National Semifinal Play-By-Play

Disclaimer:  I'm referring to Alabama-Texas as a National Semifinal because having two undefeated teams play for a national title when three other teams were also undefeated makes no sense.  Especially if two of the other three undefeated teams played each other and one of the teams won 14 games this season.  There should be another game.  Period.


Pregame: I'm picking Texas.


Pregame: I wonder how long Brent Musberger plans on dropping his corny-ass lines.


Pregame: Fat, drunk, sweatty dudes in bowties...welcome to Alabama.


Pregame: This game is going to be great.  The matchup of which school has hotter women would be equally as tight...and awesome.


Pregame: Corso picks the Horns.  A good sign for Mack Brown and me, I guess.


1 Q 13:45--- Greg McElroy is efficient, but he is not good.  I think that will be proven tonight as he faces Texas's stellar D.


1 Q 13:05--- 'Bama goes 3 and out with a penalty and a sack given up...BIG win for Texas.


1 Q 13:01--- Did Chris Peterson just enter Nick Saban's body?  I can't believe he'd run a fake punt on the first series of the game.  Why give a good offense a short field?  Why give them the momentum?  Why have your punter throw a pass?  Why Nick WHY? Musberger just called it a Bellichick move...Saban (and the Miami Dolphins) wish!


1 Q 11:20--- If I was McCoy, I wouldn't run too much tonight.  I'd like to stay healthy.


1 Q 10:54--- And right on cue!  Down goes McCoy.  I thought he'd get hurt if he ran too much.  I just didn't think it would happen immediately.


1 Q 10:54--- Taco Bell is the only restaurant that makes me want to get high so I can enjoy the food more.


1 Q 10:54--- So far it's a wash.  'Bama had an identity crisis.  Colt McCoy is hurt.


1 Q 10:46--- DJ Monroe with a great run.  Gilbert's in for the TD!  Flag down.  Flags on scoring plays are the worst thing about the game of football.  How many other sports do you see something, cheer like crazy, only to have someone say, "Nevermind.  We're going to have a re-do."?


1 Q 10:37---Offsetting penalties are the worst possible thing that could have happened for Texas, who's trying to speed up the tempo.


1 Q 9:48--- We're about to see if UT is afraid to let Gilbert throw the ball.


1 Q 9:14--- They;re not but maybe they should be.  McCoy is heading back to the locker room.  Texas is getting nothing from the 1 yard line.  Even though it's 3-0, I gotta count that as a big momentum swing back to Alabama.


1 Q 9:11--- Don't sleep on Gilbert.  Texas (and Alabama for that matter) doesn't recruit shitty football players.  I bet the kid's good.  But against Mount Cody and co.?  We'll see.


1 Q 9:11--- If McCoy is really hurt, this could be the worst comeback season ever (this side of Sam Bradford).  No Heisman.  No championship game.  No courtesy shots of Rachel Glandorf?  NOOOOOOOOO.


1 Q 9:11--- And the momentum goes back to Tejas.  Look, if 'Bama continues to shit the bed, I could play QB for UT and the Longhorns would still win the title.  Ball goes back to Texas on an Alabama fumble on the kickoff.


1 Q 8:30---Looks like it's up to Tre Newton and DJ Monroe to win the title.


1 Q 8:09--- This has to be the toughest thing for an offensive coordinator.  You prepare for a month with a Heisman candidate QB, only to have him knocked out in 3 minutes.  Now you have a feshman and you're afraid to throw the ball like you've done ALL SEASON.  Wow.


1 Q 8:09--- 'Bama doesn't have the type of offense that can just give away 6 points and feel fine.  Yet here we are: Texas leads it by two field goals handed to them by 'Bama mistakes.


1 Q 7:59--- Me: Would be so lame if Colt didn't come back.
                  Newman: Is there any decency in the world?


1 Q 7:30--- Another Texas sack.  Alabama is choking BIG TIME.


1 Q 7:12--- Why did it take THAT long for the Heisman winner to get the damn ball?  Do you realize the punter threw a pass before Mark Ingram ran the ball?


1 Q 6:37--- ANOTHER sack.  This is a nightmare for Bama.


1 Q 5:30--- I get it now.  Alabama has to throw with their punter because they can't protect their QB.


1 Q 5:00--- And when the Alabama line protects McElroy, it's a coverage sack.


1 Q 4:10--- Having been a sideline reporter, I feel I can say this: they're useless.  We just went down to the field to learn what we already knew: McCoy is getting his shoulder X-rayed.


1 Q 3:30--- UT's offense is now boring vanilla and Bama's is nonexistent.  BORING!


1 Q 2:07--- I think Alabama has figured it out: when you have a Heisman winner, you give him the damn ball.


1 Q 0:41--- And McElroy finally completes a pass!  It comes with 41 seconds to go in the quarter.  More telling, it comes off play-action because Bama was running the ball with Ingram.  I could do this job.


1 Q 0:00--- Look at Ingram running people over.  That's what he's meant to do.  Ride that workhorse Bama.


2 Q 14:18--- TD Alabama.  They figured it out.  Just keep it on the ground.  It's not rocket science.


2 Q 13:38--- With the lead now and a QB who's probably afraid to piss, Bama has a BIG advantage.


2 Q 13:03--- This can't be Texas's plan.  Greg Davis has to be waiting for McCoy to get back.  They stand no chance if they don't open it up a little, freshman QB be damned.


2 Q 12:34--- Herbstriet's analysis was dead on that series on two points: 1) Texas's OC Greg Davis is now playing "with one arm tied behind his back" because of the injury to McCoy.  And 2) "Right now the game is moving very fast for Garrett Gilbert.  Faster than he's ready for."


2 Q 12:15--- I believe we're about to see one of the best defenses in the country against a 3rd string QB.  This is a travesty of a national "title" game for many reasons now.


2 Q 12:00--- Vince Young in the house!  UT sure could use you now.


2 Q 11:30--- Gilbert's coming back (Thanks Tom Rinaldi).  Can't decide if this is a good thing.


2 Q 11:00--- 4 sacks in 4 series for UT.  That's why Bama should be running the ball on every down here.


2 Q 10:07--- I thought this game would be exciting but now I'm thinking it might turn into a snooze fest. Neither offense can do anything; Texas because of injury and Bama because of incompetence.


2 Q 9:09--- No first downs for Gilbert thus far.  He's worthless.


2 Q 8:56--- Bama will absolutely grind Texas into nothing if the game continues like this.


2 Q 8:45--- I'd like to congratulate the American people for sponsoring this national semifinal.  Brought to you by Citi, who is kept afloat by taxpayer bailout money.  Really a great job there, John Q. Public.


2 Q 8:38-- Bama should be Ingram, Ingram, Ingram, punt.  Right now this Texas offense is nonexistent.


2 Q 7:59--- OK, so a 49 yard TD from Trent Richardson is a pretty good playcall too.  14-6 Bama.  Game OVER unless McCoy comes back.


2 Q 7:59 Newman: "If Colt McCoy is in this game Texas is winning it and no one can tell me different."  I have to agree.


2 Q 7:47--- Great run by Monroe, but this strategy still can't win for Texas.


2 Q 7:16--- Great throw by Gilbert.  Malcom Williams should've had that one.


2 Q 7:12--- Let me be the first to say, "Colt McCoy doesn't make mistakes like that."


2 Q 6:10--- Seriously, just give the ball to Ingram.  He's like a bowling ball rolling down a bobsled course.


2 Q 4:38--- What;'s interesting is that Garrett Gilbert and Greg McElroy are having pretty much the same game right now.  But Bama has a solid running game and Texas hasn't run the ball all season.


2 Q 3:30--- That was the most awkward punt downing I've seen.  I don't think the good folks of Alabama have ever cheered louder for one man jumping on another man's backside and squirming around.


2 Q 2:55--- This game is becoming unwatchable.


2 Q 2:01--- Bama will score right here.


2 Q 0:47--- I'd go for it if I were Saban.  What Texas offense are you afraid of?  Are we watching the same game?  I touchdown officially puts it out of reach.


2 Q 0:29--- OK, Texas Defense.  Either you score or you lose.  And yes, I meant the Defense.


2 Q0:03--- That's a TD, ladies and gentlemen.  I'm going to the gym!  This game is a waste of my time.