Dear Yankee Fans

Dear Yankee Fans,

A few things I'd like to make you aware of before I get arrested for throwing syringes at ARod during your victory parade Friday.

• Your payroll was just over $200 million. That's more than the Nationals, Pirates, Padres, and Marlins... combined.
• Hell, there are only 7 teams in MLB within $100 million of your salary cap. 
• The gap between your payroll and the next closest is a wider margin than the payrolls of 14 MLB franchises. 
• If A-Rod were any more full of shit he'd be a porter potty at a horse race. So congrats on your best player having led a life where he has perennially sold out for money, cheated on his significant others, taken steroids, lied about it nationally, and had a painting done of himself as a Centaur. 
• MLC: You forgot how much he enjoys making out with himself and stroking his image in the mirror.  I wonder if Kate Hudson gets mad when he calls out his own name during sex. "A-ROD...A-ROD!!"
• You still are the ONLY team in baseball history to have blown a 3-0 lead in the playoffs. To the Red Sox no less.
• Your World Series MVP (Hideki Matsui) still somehow can't speak English although he has been in America the better part of this decade. Unintentional comedy was through the roof during that interview.
• MLC: I would've paid money to just hear him yell "Godzilla!!" and run away on live TV.
• For that matter, sometimes I think Posada and Rivera still need translators.
• 27. You know what means? Shit. Unless you've been alive and a fan since 1923 could you please do us all a favor and shut up. It's one thing to have an appreciation and pride in the history of your franchise, it's another thing to brag about titles that happened while your grandparents and parents weren't even born. Yeah its cool, but come on, its a stat you throw around. A championship should mean something to you. Numbers shouldn't. 
• MLC: Most successful pro sports franchise in world history.  I can't really argue with that. (I can. Don't tell that to Manchester United who has upwards of 50 different soccer titles or the Boston Celtics whose 17 titles in 63 years of existence is a higher winning percentage than the Yanks 27 in 103 years .) If the Bravos had won 27, best believe I'd be talking about how awesome we are.  Hey!  Only 26 to go Atlanta!
• Know that there are 8 and 9 year olds out there who live in a world where the Red Sox have one more World Series than the Yankees.
• MLC: And there are tortured Royals fans out there with absolutely no hope.
• You know who the only team in baseball to blow a 3-0 lead is?
• Just because you decided in elementary school that the Yankees hat was cool to wear doesn't make you a true fan. 
• MLC: Somewhere in America, Fred Durst is angrily pounding his fist on a coffee table.
• A great thing about sports is feeling connected to certain players, growing up with them, seeing them mature and eventually prosper, and feeling an attachment because you bore witness to all of this. There is pride in developing players and seeing their talents come to fruition. Of course, you'll never know that true satisfaction. Aside from Jeter, Posada, and Rivera (Pettitte was an Astro for a few years), your entire team has been bought.
  
• MLC: Did you know Jeter has played in more postseason games than the entire Phillies' franchise?  True story.
• Oh yeah, Pettitte did steroids too. Awesome!
• Don't give us the whole "people don't like us because were good" routine. We don't like you because 90% of you are the definition of what it means to be fair weather.
• MLC: I actually realized after this World Series that maybe I don't hate the Yankees as much as I thought I did.  I just hate their fans more than ever.
• Rivera has been one of the game's best closers. But he's a closer. I'm sorry but I can't start kneeling at the guys feet because he's asked to pitch a grand total of one inning while his team usually has a comfortable lead.
• MLC: Gotta disagree here too.  Watch Brad Lidge and tell me what Rivera has been doing for 13 years isn't incredibly impressive.  He also has more six-out saves in the postseason than postseason games that most guys have played in. He comes in.  It's over.  When you're a good baseball team, and you know you just need the lead after 7 innings and the game's over, that's a ridivulous advantage.
• And  don't forget, Rivera blew the save against the Red Sox in Game 4 in 2004. You know, the series where the Yanks blew a 3-0 series lead?
• MLC: He also blew the game against the DBacks in '01.  He's not perfect, but he's the closest thing to it that we've ever seen.
• If he continues on this path, C.C. Sabathia is going to look like the State Puffed Marshmallow Man by spring training next year.
• MLC: He's also a Raiders season ticket holder.  That can't be good for anything.

Yes, I'm bitter. Enjoy your parade Devil Worshipers.

Sincerely,
JNG & MLC