Me and the Sports Guy

Back in the spring of 2001, just a few summer months away from my entry into high school, the Henrico County Public School System decided to become one of the first school districts in the country to distribute laptop computers to high school students. The officials had visions and dreams about the potential of the initiative to eliminate textbooks, provide invaluable instant research tools, and create a hands on outlet to increase technological awareness and proficiency amongst students. In thought and on paper a great and alluring idea.

But, let's take a step back and use a little bit of common sense here. In 2001, my generation, the Millennial s or Generation Y, whatever, was really the first generation to grow up with the internet and to begin using computers at elementary school ages. By the time we entered high school we were all very well aware of what we were doing and how to do it. Aside from a few trained professionals, the teachers and administration had no clue. So...

Question: What do you think happens when you give a bunch of tech savvy 14-18 year olds access to the internet during class?

Answer: Not a lot of school work.

Thanks to the laptop program (and really, it's a heartfelt thank you), I spent my years at Freeman playing Tecmo Super Bowl, messaging my friends, and surfing the web. Mitch can even attest that I had to drop out of our 11th grade Honors English class because I couldn't stop playing Super Mario 2. Mrs. Morse would call on me to answer a question or add to a discussion at which point I would freeze up like Mark McGuire at a Congressional Hearing. I had no idea of what the political implications of James Fenimore Cooper's work were or what the symbolism was in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter. But if she had asked why Super Mario II game format was so vastly different than all the other Super Marios (character selection, throwing vegetables at enemies, and no King Koopa to name a few), I could have given her an answer in a second.

It's all just Mario's dream (On a side note, beating Super Mario 2 was easily one of my proudest achievements of high school).

So what did I get out of all of this besides a more entertaining high school experience, a lack of focus and a lower GPA?

I got the Sports Guy.

I discovered Bill Simmons just as he began to write for ESPN.com. Naturally this was a site I was visiting often during the likes of Pre-Calculus and Biology so upon the first reading of his articles I knew I was hooked. Simmons unique and humorous writing style, littered with opinions, pop culture references, and facts,
made him seem just like any ordinary fan only with an extraordinarily platform. His articles read like a conversation about sports and life that my friends and I would have during lunch. I enjoyed the articles not just because of his wit and humor, but because it was real writing with real emotions and opinions. He didn't doctor his thoughts or write in some journalistic manner. He made his material relatable.

Aside from a few good friends, cough a girlfriend and a diploma, Simmons was the only thing that followed me from high school to college (note to any high school kid who ever reads this: never, never date your high school girlfriend when you go to college; it should be a law) I continued to read him religiously. The Draft Diaries, the power polls, the Vegas stories, even his Boston bias, it was all gold. His first book Now I Can Die in Peace was the only book I read during my semester abroad. I even listen to his pod casts, which although are no where near as satisfying as his writing, are still pretty entertaining. Even now that I am in the "real world" I still sacrifice professional embarrassment, scolding and dismissal to read his new stuff whenever he posts it.

So expect my elation when I heard Simmons released his book tour for The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to the Sports Guy and one of the locations was across the street from where I work in New York City. Meeting Simmons for me would be the equivalent of some Ivy League snob meeting Hemingway or Faulkner or whoever the hell they read at those places. Lunch hour break be damned I was going.

The signing was yesterday. I will admit I was a little nervous leading up to it. Simmons had said that you could have a prepared sentence for him to sign. Creatively, I was drawing blanks. It was one of those things that when your put on the spot you seem to have no idea what to say but then, of course, like a week later you think of something brilliant. I texted Mitch and a few other friends for inspiration but to really no avail. I did however have a few good lines for him to sign in Mitch's book such as "Hey Mitch, Newman's always right." or "Hey Mitch, What happened on the night of the 2003 Big East Tournament?"  I will leave it to Mitch to tell you that story.

Anyways. I also realized I was only going to have maybe 10-20 seconds to talk with the guy. Topics raced through my head. Should I mention the website, tell him how much I enjoyed his writing, or try to make some casual sports conversation? I didn't know. I figured it would come to me. The book signing started at noon so I left my office a little early and got to the bookstore to get in-and-out as fast as possible. For some reason I had the whole  'Hey, it's Wall Street, these people have serious jobs and have work and can't take off for a book signing' train of thought going. I was wrong.

The line weaved in and out of book aisles. Though I was there relatively early there were still a hundred or so people in front of me and quickly a few hundred people behind me. It dawned on me just then how many readers Simmons really does have ( and how many people he has likely gotten fired). The guy literally reaches millions just by watching sports, making comments, throwing in a few interesting stories and putting it online. Lucky bastard. I slowly made my way from the kids section through  Religion/Spirituality and Science Fiction & Fantasy past the Cooking & Travel and finally to the Business & Money Management section. I had already finished 20 pages of his book by the time I was ushered downstairs for the final line (this isn't a review but from what I have read so far it could be going up with The Great Gatsby and The Catcher and the Rye for supremacy in the Favorite Books section of my Facebook page).

I finally got my first glimpse of the man, the myth, the legend. Even though he was sitting, he seemed shorter than I imagined and his head was unexaggeratedly tiny with predominantly gray hair. Sometimes I forget this guy is 40 years old. I was pretty calm since we'd been told that he was no longer going to be doing personal messages since the line was so long, and well, these people have jobs. The guy in front of me was a different story altogether. Whereas most people were just pulling out camera phones and snapping a a few shots, he was taking pictures with his Canon like he was a paparazzo photographing Lindsay Lohans hoo-hah.

Alas, the time eventually came for me to shake his hand and get my books signed. Despite the -200 line Mitch put down, he did not in fact use a Seinfeld reference upon learning my name. It was the only disappointment I had in my meeting (if you can call it that). After all the topics had sifted through my head the one that seemed like a safe and original bet was to play to his love for classless reality TV so I asked him how his "The Ruins" Fantasy League was going. He said in his nasally voice that he got screwed by Evelyn when she quit and that Wes was kicked out last (Wednesday) night. I told him I hadn't watched it yet so he ruined it for me and he said that someone had ruined it for him so he was bitter and returning the favor. He told me thanks for coming, shook my hand and that was that.

Obviously Simmons is a huge reason why I am here writing this story on this blog right now. I don't expect his success, at least in the sense of sports writing, but I damn sure want it. Just getting the chance to exchange a few words with him was a memorable moment. Maybe one day we can exchange just a little bit more.

So thanks Henrico County Public Schools for giving me that moment yesterday and giving me daily access to Bill Simmons way back when. So much more than a diploma.

I will leave with a few words Malcolm Gladwell wrote about Simmons in the foreword of the book:

"This is a man with five flat-screen TVS in his office. It is hard to know which part of that fact is more awe-inspiring: that he can watch five games simultaneously or that he gets to call the room where he can watch five games simultaneously his 'office'."

*If you are a sports fan, and more specifically a basketball fan, buy this book. Now. Thanks.*